bluesilverkdg: (Default)
[personal profile] bluesilverkdg
I REALLY hate that my first entry in two months (wow...it has been that long) has to be a sad one, but alas..

January 1997 ~ August 2010

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Yesterday morning, my precious General passed away. It was a little unexpected, but not totally. I had noticed in the last few weeks, that he'd dropped a bit of weight. Not enough to see casually, but I thought he was looking a bit thinner than usual. I made homemade cat food to try and get some weight back on him, and he ate everything in the house voraciously. But he was still just sort of maintaining a slightly lower weight than I was used to seeing. I'd also noticed him sneezing sometimes. However, the last bit, as you can imagine has been hectic, and getting him to a vet unfortunately took a back seat. (Mom fell last week, and that resulted in another trip to the hospital.) Plus, he just didn't *seem* sick. Up until just a few days ago, he was the same frisky, playful kitty I've always known and loved. In fact, just last week, he was chasing the laser pointer around the living room, plowing head-first into furniture, then coming right back for more. But Sunday night, he seemed off. Yesterday morning, he seemed REALLY off, and I'd determined he definitely needed to see the doctor. His breathing seemed labored and his purr was raspy and that really, really concerned me. I actually was planning to go to an oncology appointment with mom, so my intention was to take him to the vet right after.

We never made it that far. When I came in from mom's appointment, he was lying in my bedroom, in a pile of my clothes that needed to be washed. He looked like he was taking a nap. It saddens me that even in his dying moment, he wanted to be near something of mine that smelled like me, but it also warms my heart. People might say that animals can't feel love, but I beg to differ on this. General loved me. I know it as well as I know the sky is blue. He loved me, and I loved him. And yesterday, I knew, just intuitively knew, that he was a lot sicker than I'd originally thought, but it was too late by that time. I had a bad feeling as I was driving home from the doctor's office to get him, but I don't think I realized it was THAT bad.

My world lost a little (OK, a lot) of its light yesterday morning. While mom has been sick, he has been a constant source of comfort. The girls and Trouble are always around, and yes, sometimes they pick me up when I'm feeling sad. But General was always, always, always there for me. When I would cry, which I've done a lot of lately, he would curl up right under my chin and bop his head against my face. He gave me kitty kisses on the nose every time he climbed on my lap. He was truly my baby and he was extremely special to me. Cats are often aloof and independent, and while they like having their humans around, they can do without them. I think General needed me, and my God, I needed him. I still do and I have to say, it will be tough making it through the coming months and years without him next to me. We've been through it all together...my divorce, job loss, moves, mom's illness, deaths of other family members, both human and animal... My constant companion for 13 years. We had a bond that words fail to describe.

My title comes from the fact that, for as long as I can remember, General slept on the pillow to the right-hand side of me. It was "his" side of the bed, and I rarely used that pillow to sleep on. At night, if I'd been reading or watching TV in bed, and had all the pillows propped up behind my back, he would wait patiently for me to put his pillow down, then he'd climb up on it and go to sleep next to me. Seeing that empty pillow this morning was really hard to take.

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Someone said yesterday that they wondered if he waited until after I was gone to die. And I think that may have been the case, or maybe it was just coincidental timing. But I have a suspicion he laid down for that final nap right after I left the house. Even then, he didn't want me to see him struggling. He was truly a special boy, and there shall never be another like him.


(And it just struck me yesterday, that the two-year anniversary of Sabrina's death was last week, the 18th. They were best friends from the day I brought her home, and while he bonded with Trouble, and obviously loved my two remaining girls, I don't think he ever stopped missing Sabrina. One of the few things that comforts me through this is the hope that maybe the two of them have finally been reunited.)

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Date: 2010-08-24 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tupelo.livejournal.com
Bless his little heart.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:22 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-08-24 05:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 10dimensions.livejournal.com
Oh honey, I am so sorry... I'm sitting here crying for you. Much love.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I knew he was getting old but still...I never thought it would be quite so soon.

Date: 2010-08-24 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mynthe.livejournal.com
*hugs* :(

Date: 2010-08-26 06:24 pm (UTC)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-08-26 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thank you, Kim. I think you are about as crazy over Miranda. Give her lots and lots of hugs and snugs.

Date: 2010-08-24 06:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aceofkittens.livejournal.com
Oh no, I'm so sorry. :( Huge hugs to you. I know how much you loved him and he loved you with all his heart.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
I truly did. And I always thought if you and I lived closer, he and Chip could've hung out. :-/ I kinda think you two have a bond like Gen and me. It's powerful.

Date: 2010-08-24 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] macaholic.livejournal.com
I'm sorry for your loss Kim. Cats are special. Some more than others, as General was to you. Hugs.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Yes...he was. I love them all, and they all have special qualities that make them a "favorite" in some way. But General was just different. I've never had a cat so gentle and sweet.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] macaholic.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-26 06:44 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-08-24 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreamcowgirl.livejournal.com
So sorry for your loss of General ;(

Date: 2010-08-26 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thank you so much.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-08-26 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thanks, Jody. I have been keeping up with you, just haven't commented a lot. I'm glad things are still going well!

Date: 2010-08-24 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] welfy.livejournal.com
I'm sorry that General has died. I always love reading your cat posts, and knew that General meant a lot to you.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
He truly did. He was sooooo much more than a cat to me.

Date: 2010-08-24 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theldara.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear that he's gone. My dog Sandy waited till I was asleep to pass away and she picked a blanket of mine, right beside my bedroom, to go. I think they do know and try to wait to spare us. He was special furkid and he will be sorely missed.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
I'm glad you got to know him. He was one in a million.

And you're right...animals are a lot smarter and more intuitive than people give them credit for.

Date: 2010-08-24 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nirol.livejournal.com
I'm so so sorry to hear this. Many *hugs* and condolences.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thank you so much.

Date: 2010-08-25 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mozartfan1313.livejournal.com
I'm sorry for your loss. :( And, your presence has been missed on LJ.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thank you, Laura (on both counts.) I miss updating so much, but lately, there's not been much I wanted to remember. :-/ It's been a really tough time that I hope will get better soon.

Date: 2010-08-25 12:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vovat.livejournal.com
I'm really sorry. Sounds like he was a great cat.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
He was absolutely amazing.

Date: 2010-08-25 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nessachan.livejournal.com
I am so sorry about your kitty cat. :(

Date: 2010-08-26 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thanks Nessa. It's been a gloomy week. Your icon is appropriate. :-/

Date: 2010-08-25 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] solfox.livejournal.com
While I'll miss reading about the General's adventures, I'm certain he is still right by your side in spirit. My sincerest condolences.

Date: 2010-08-26 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
He left a big space empty in my heart, for sure. But since he was obviously sick, (or maybe just getting older..) I'm glad that he is not in any pain now. I envision he and Sabrina traipsing around, dominating all the other cats in this kitty heaven I think they're in. :-)

I'm also really glad that I have so many of his adventures commemorated in here.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-08-26 06:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Yes they are. I am thankful that certain events lately prompted me to give them all extra special amounts of attention. I can confidently say, General (and all of the others, too) had all the love and affection I could give.

Date: 2010-08-25 01:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] simplylaura.livejournal.com
Aw, General :(. I am sure that he and Sabrina are cuddled up somewhere now, happy to be together again <3.

Date: 2010-08-26 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
I think so. While he did bond with Trouble, I don't think he ever fully adjusted to having her gone.

Date: 2010-08-25 02:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adventuregirly.livejournal.com
I was reading this and crying and Julian came right over to my chair, looked concerned, then jumped up on my lap, grabbed my hand with his paws & started purring.

He is sorry for your loss, too.

I think it's sweet General wanted to curl up on your clothes. I think he was leaving you with an "I love everything about you."

Date: 2010-08-26 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Julian is a good boy. :-) How old is he? I was thinking he wasn't a lot younger than General. Give him hundreds of hugs and loves while you still can. Like I said above, I have no regret about him in that way. I remember few times that he wanted attention (especially lately), that I didn't give it to him.

And your last line made ME cry. I loved everything about him, too.

Date: 2010-08-25 04:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugotogal.livejournal.com
My sincere condolences. I know your heart is heavy, but General had a life of love.

Peaceful journey, sweet kitty man.

Date: 2010-08-26 07:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Yes, he did! He was so spoiled. When I'd call him to dinner sometimes, he would just lay in the floor looking up at me with fluttery lashes, like "but it's so much WORK to walk all the way in there." And I would invariably carry him to his bowl. He had me trained well for years.

Date: 2010-08-25 06:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annietopia.livejournal.com
All I can give you are hugs, my friend. Hugs and love.

Date: 2010-08-26 07:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
And that really means a lot, Annie. Thank you.

Date: 2010-08-25 07:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghost-light.livejournal.com
I am so, so sorry. Woza, General.

Date: 2010-08-26 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
From what I've heard of your relationship with Mao, I think the two of you were about like General and me. You know how incredibly hard it is to not have them around anymore. :-/

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ghost-light.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-26 08:26 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-08-25 09:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joie-de-bruit.livejournal.com
What a beautiful boy. xoxoxo

Date: 2010-08-26 07:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thank you. He was quite handsome, indeed.

Date: 2010-08-25 11:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mileshedgehog.livejournal.com
:(. . . . . . .

*hugs*

Date: 2010-08-26 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
I read your comment to General's "talking post", where you said that made you want to ask John if you could get a kitty. So was that before you got Hadassah?

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] mileshedgehog.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-26 07:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-26 07:32 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] mileshedgehog.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-26 08:13 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-08-25 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] indigo-max.livejournal.com
I said it via facebook and say it here, I am so sorry for you loss Kim.

Max...

Date: 2010-08-26 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thanks, Max. You know how incredibly important they become to us.

Date: 2010-08-26 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plantmom.livejournal.com
Kim, I'm so sorry, and I miss you too, although I understand. I'm starting to think, cats are so individual, and somehow they work their magic, each in their way. No one will ever replace Bozo to me; he was a big-boned partly red guy like General, with the loudest purr you ever heard. However, Tazzer has his own appeal, sleeping with me, with one paw ever-so-delicately touching my side. And then there's Zoey, who can convey with a look her affection for us! Amazing, subtle animals. You were blessed, and we are blessed to have you in our scope of friendship.

{{Hugs}}

Date: 2010-08-26 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com
Thanks, Eleanor. I keep thinking that I want to update more, but I swear, these past few months, I'd honestly just as soon forget. I can say pretty confidently, that 2010 is by far, the worst year of my life thus far.

I saw pictures of Bozo, and he looked like such a big old ball of love. I can see why he'd be so special to you. But they do all have their special qualities. Misty is special, because I am the only human in the world (besides the vet) who has ever been able to touch her. She still retains so many of her feral tendencies, but has finally decided that I am trustworthy enough to gain her affections. It took about ten years to get there, but was totally worth it. And Oreo is my undercover snuggle bunny. She also only trusts me, and is such a little fluffbug who keeps my feet warm under the blankets. Trouble has always been affectionate to me, although he was horrid to the girls. But since General has been gone, he has actually mellowed with them, and seems to finally be growing up. He has taken on some of General's quirky little tendencies, or maybe he had them all along and I just never noticed. But he may actually be able to provide the comfort when things get rough, that General did.

Yeah, I pretty much adore them all. :-)

(And conversely, I am blessed to know you and Ray...and Emily by default. Of all my online friends, your family is one that I absolutely am determined to meet one day.)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] plantmom.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-08-27 12:08 am (UTC) - Expand
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