bluesilverkdg: (Default)
Wow, it's been a while. I've just not been all that motivated to write much recently. Plus, I guess there hasn't been a lot going on that I felt like sharing. Honestly, I'd like to get back to the point where I felt the need to write down every little thing I was doing, because I find that to be somewhat cathartic. Maybe one of these days...

One thing I HAVE been doing (lots of) is composing music. In the past month, I have completed two new songs and started on a third that I've since kind of abandoned, but may get back to. I have a tendency to do that. Start playing around with a tune, then get bored with it. Sometimes I pick it up later and finish it, sometimes it just sits there like a black hole. Or an unfinished symphony.

My music is very personal to me and I don't play a lot for people. Well, one of the reasons for that is, a piano is not like a guitar. It's not like I can strap it to my neck and take it to a party. But also, my stage fright, which has always been bad, is getting worse and worse the older I get. (Speaking of getting older, my birthday is next Sunday. OMG, I'll be 41 auuuugggggh.)

Anyway, severe stage fright has prohibited me from doing much with my music in a live forum. But I've always wondered if the songs I compose could ever actually...y'know, do anything? I don't even know how to classify them. I mean, like what genre. They're not necessarily "classical" at all. Neoclassical? They're certainly not anything modern or like current popular music. They also don't really fit in the instrumental new age category that's popular for relaxation and meditation or whatnot. If there's one thing my music is NOT, it's not relaxing. I am incapable of playing soft or slow. My music is hard, fast, pounding (that's what she said!!) I don't think it's bad, but I'm also extremely critical of myself and my abilities. I don't think I'm nearly as good as I could be, or as good as other people seem to think I am. I've never thought that, and the perfectionist in me has always strived for more.

With that said, I'm going to do something I rarely ever do. I'm going to share some of my music with you. I recently borrowed my mom's mackdaddy new camera, which also contains a pretty rockin' camcorder. The other night, [livejournal.com profile] theldara came over and recorded me playing a couple of my new songs. However I screwed up mightily, because I was having to *shudder* play in front of someone. I then decided just to take the boring route of putting the camera on the piano or countertop and getting some still recordings. May not be as exciting as actually seeing what's being played, but for the most part, the recordings are better. So, here ya go, if you want some musics. )

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bluesilverkdg

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