Yesterday at my uncle's funeral, I saw my aunt, his wife, bound to a wheelchair. (Yes, I'm just a flippin' ray of sunshine lately, aren't I?) My aunt had always been incredibly active and healthy, and I remember her as a large woman who would smother you with her hugs. She cleaned houses for a living, and kept her own house so spotless I was afraid to let a speck of dust fall on the floor. She was always up busying around, either cleaning, cooking or just...doing something. I'm not sure when she had to start relying on a wheelchair, and I'm not totally sure what has confined her to it. She shakes a lot, and looks almost like she could have Parkinson's Disease, although I'm not sure if that's the diagnosis. But I do know that she cannot walk at all, and had to be lifted from the van to the wheelchair at the graveside, and then wheeled to my uncle's casket.
However, in spite of her physical limitations, at the age of 90, she is still sharp as a tack. I could not tell you the last time I saw her. I was probably in my 20s, I'd imagine, yet she still remembered me (even though the last time she saw me I was sporting light blonde hair.) She remembered my mother and all her siblings, and recognized lots of other relatives at the funeral. Her speech is a bit slurred, but she's still understandable, and "all there", mentally you might say.
On the other hand, I also spent some time with my grandmother this weekend. She is 92, and has been basically losing every little bit that is left of her mind over the past several years. She suffers from dementia (I say she "suffers", but I don't know for a fact that she IS suffering. She usually thinks that she is 15 years old, and while she sometimes does seem scared because she can't find her parents, that seemed to mostly be a happy time in her life.) She rambles incoherently, half sentences and words that make no sense and will often start to drift off to sleep mid-word. She doesn't usually recognize any of us, although she does have her moments. She seems to realize that I am "Kim", but I don't know who "Kim" is to her. For all I know, she could think I'm one of her classmates. She frequently thinks that my dad is her husband, who has been dead since 1969. She will often ask where someone is, even if they're sitting in the room with her. We have caregivers who come into her home every day to stay with her, and she has never realized that she just doesn't have a lot of company. On occasion, she becomes violent and combative, although these instances are blessedly infrequent.
But that brings up the point that she is capable of becoming violent. See, my grandmother, unlike my aunt, is still physically active and in basically good health. Yeah, she moves more slowly than she used to, but she can get around. She can dress herself, go get herself a snack, go to the bathroom, sit on the porch, walk around the yard, etc. I would hardly call her "spry", but she is mobile. She just doesn't have any idea what's going on the world around her, although she can maneuver around in it.
That got me to thinking, which would you rather give up? You can retain your physical health, but you must relinquish your mind. Or you can remain alert and aware, but be physically incapacitated. Which would you choose? I guess for me, it would all be a matter of HOW I gave up my mental abilities. If I could go to a happy place and stay there, even if it caused some confusion, I might just do it, in order to stay physically capable. But on the flipside, what if losing my mind meant a constant state of fear or paranoia? In that case, give me the wheelchair and let me stay alert. I don't know. That's a tough one, kind of like when someone asks "would you rather be blind or deaf?" The answer is obviously neither, but unfortunately, I know that it's rare for someone to reach the age that my aunt and my grandmother have achieved without letting go of one or the other.
So tell me...
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Poll #1231004]
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