Ramblings of the confused

Time for my once-weekly update, I suppose. I really want to write more, and I intend to, but right now it's just not really practical. So, there ya go.

If you're on my Facebook, which I think a whole bunch of you are, you'll see two things that are either going on or have gone on. Last night, I got to see the Decemberists in Asheville with samuraigrrrl, nonspecific, and aikigrrl.
To say that they were amazing would be an understatement. If you like them or have considered liking them, I would highly recommend checking them out if possible. I was a little disappointed at the beginning, because they just came out and launched right into The Hazards Of Love, their latest CD...and they didn't stop. They literally played the whole CD from beginning to end, from what I could tell. I *like* the new CD just fine, but I wanted to hear some old stuff (I always want to hear "old stuff", no matter who I go to see.) But no need for me to have worried...they came back out after about a 15 minute intermission and basically did like a whole 'nother set of older songs, covers (Crazy On You by Heart, for example) and just basically jammed and improvised for a bit. At one point, Colin, the lead singer came down the aisle right beside me. I could've reached out and grabbed him, but I was not aggressive enough. Others were not so shy. He sat down in the audience, then went walking through the crowd back to the stage. They seemed to have a genuinely fun time playing together and the audience was really into it (notsomuch the security guard sitting at the bottom of the stage, who looked like he'd have much rather been at a rap concert. Or a monster truck show.) If you like the Decemberists or have any inclination to check them out, this guy caught the whole show in halfway decent quality. http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=04237BA740200C97

So that was last night.

Before that, my dad and I took my mom out to eat for her birthday (she's now officially 62..one step closer to Social Security!) We had a lovely meal, but her big surprise is tomorrow. I'm getting ready to head out to the grocery store to shop for her birthday shindig, that she doesn't know is happening. I'm gonna stay at the cabin tonight, then get up at the crack of dawn to start cooking in the morning for her dinner, and I've somehow, yet again, managed to pull off a big birthday surprise. Or at least I have thus far. It's not happened yet, and there's every possibility that she could still blow it, but hopefully not.

Oh, I took my dad's Navy peacoat to the cleaners this week. It looks fabulous, and with the exception of a few very small holes (moth bites probably), it looks practically new. For the first time in...um, ever..I'm actually kind of looking forward to cold weather, because I will hopefully be warm this winter, instead of my usual shivering, sniveling self. Otherwise, this was an incredibly stressful week. I've got a lot going on that I wish was not going on, decisions to make that I don't really want to have to deal with, and I'll update about it later, but that's for another post. For now, I have schoolwork to do, groceries to buy and parties to plan.

I leave you with the Henna Harem in the parking garage at the Civic Center in Asheville... Kara (nonspecific), Lillie (samuraigrrrl) me and Melody (aikigrrl). All hennaheads, all different, yet equally lovely shades of red, which is pretty darned awesome.

Yes, I am actually alive. Thanks to those who sent out the search party. For the new people on my friends list, I'm normally not this quiet. (Yeah, I think "quiet" is not an adjective that would ever be used to describe me.)

Anyway...just been busy and stuff. Mostly stuff.

I've got a strange question. Or maybe not so strange, I dunno. My mom is a big fan of hard candy, but not the creepy movie staring Ellen Page. She doesn't really do chocolate so much (yeah, I know..and I'm her offspring?), but she does enjoy fruity candies a lot. So every year for Christmas, I always make both my parents a stocking filled with their favorite candy and treats. Dad's easy..he's a chocoholic like me and our taste in sweets is virtually identical, but mom is a little harder to please. She loves Jolly Ranchers, but has lamented for years that she can't find the peach ones anymore. I finally thought to look online and see if they're even still made, and found that apparently I'm not the only one searching for them. I've actually found a candy store that specializes in hard-to-find candy. They sell bulk Jolly Ranchers, and I want to call them to see if they could get me a slew of peach ones. But I'd daresay they're not open at 9:30 pm. So, do any of you nosy types know of a way that I could score some peach Jolly Ranchers? She also likes peach Jelly Bellies, which apparently have also gone the way of the dinosaur, but she's really wanting the Jolly Ranchers.

OK, yeah, I know. I emerge after a week and a half and my post is about candy. Sorry kids.

Yesterday at my uncle's funeral, I saw my aunt, his wife, bound to a wheelchair. (Yes, I'm just a flippin' ray of sunshine lately, aren't I?) My aunt had always been incredibly active and healthy, and I remember her as a large woman who would smother you with her hugs. She cleaned houses for a living, and kept her own house so spotless I was afraid to let a speck of dust fall on the floor. She was always up busying around, either cleaning, cooking or just...doing something. I'm not sure when she had to start relying on a wheelchair, and I'm not totally sure what has confined her to it. She shakes a lot, and looks almost like she could have Parkinson's Disease, although I'm not sure if that's the diagnosis. But I do know that she cannot walk at all, and had to be lifted from the van to the wheelchair at the graveside, and then wheeled to my uncle's casket.

However, in spite of her physical limitations, at the age of 90, she is still sharp as a tack. I could not tell you the last time I saw her. I was probably in my 20s, I'd imagine, yet she still remembered me (even though the last time she saw me I was sporting light blonde hair.) She remembered my mother and all her siblings, and recognized lots of other relatives at the funeral. Her speech is a bit slurred, but she's still understandable, and "all there", mentally you might say.

On the other hand, I also spent some time with my grandmother this weekend. She is 92, and has been basically losing every little bit that is left of her mind over the past several years. She suffers from dementia (I say she "suffers", but I don't know for a fact that she IS suffering. She usually thinks that she is 15 years old, and while she sometimes does seem scared because she can't find her parents, that seemed to mostly be a happy time in her life.) She rambles incoherently, half sentences and words that make no sense and will often start to drift off to sleep mid-word. She doesn't usually recognize any of us, although she does have her moments. She seems to realize that I am "Kim", but I don't know who "Kim" is to her. For all I know, she could think I'm one of her classmates. She frequently thinks that my dad is her husband, who has been dead since 1969. She will often ask where someone is, even if they're sitting in the room with her. We have caregivers who come into her home every day to stay with her, and she has never realized that she just doesn't have a lot of company. On occasion, she becomes violent and combative, although these instances are blessedly infrequent.
But that brings up the point that she is capable of becoming violent. See, my grandmother, unlike my aunt, is still physically active and in basically good health. Yeah, she moves more slowly than she used to, but she can get around. She can dress herself, go get herself a snack, go to the bathroom, sit on the porch, walk around the yard, etc. I would hardly call her "spry", but she is mobile. She just doesn't have any idea what's going on the world around her, although she can maneuver around in it.

That got me to thinking, which would you rather give up? You can retain your physical health, but you must relinquish your mind. Or you can remain alert and aware, but be physically incapacitated. Which would you choose? I guess for me, it would all be a matter of HOW I gave up my mental abilities. If I could go to a happy place and stay there, even if it caused some confusion, I might just do it, in order to stay physically capable. But on the flipside, what if losing my mind meant a constant state of fear or paranoia? In that case, give me the wheelchair and let me stay alert. I don't know. That's a tough one, kind of like when someone asks "would you rather be blind or deaf?" The answer is obviously neither, but unfortunately, I know that it's rare for someone to reach the age that my aunt and my grandmother have achieved without letting go of one or the other.





So tell me...


[Poll #1231004]

I'll be off to Erwin in the next little bit. I'll be back in Knoxville Sunday night. I hope everyone has a fun and happy weekend. :-) I will be eating too much food and probably hiding some eggs with the kid cousins on Sunday, so good times will abound, I'm sure. I have requested my mother's broccoli casserole for Easter dinner, and fully intend to gorge myself on it.

Before I go, however, I leave you with The Ultimate Peep Show. It's pretty hot.

( Peeeeeeek-a-boo. )