Ramblings of the confused

I can't believe that it's coming up on the one-year anniversary of Sabrina's death. http://bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com/2008/08/19/

I still sometimes can't believe that she's gone and I still miss her so much. But it's weird. I adopted Trouble shortly after she passed away, not to "replace" her, but just because I felt that I needed to. General was literally mourning himself sick, and I felt this incredible void that just had to be filled. Misty and Oreo still both rue the day I brought him home, and neither of them can really even tolerate him, but they didn't care so awfully much for Sabrina either, so what else is new.

The reason I bring up Trouble, however, is that I firmly believe that Sabrina's spirit somehow inhabited him. In other words, I think, when I went to the Washington County Humane Society that fateful day, I didn't choose him as much as he chose me.

I wanted a holding kitty. What I mean by that is, General likes to hop up on my lap, and the girls will occasionally snug with me if I'm sitting or lying down. But none of the three like me to pick them up and hold them. Sabrina, however, would've probably happily lived in my arms 24/7 if it had been practical. She loved for me to carry her around and would curl up in a little ball underneath my chin and just stay there, purring like a baby kitten. The day I went to the shelter, I was specifically looking for a kitty that wanted to, and enjoyed being held. I picked up every cat there, I think. Some of them tolerated being held, some of them seemed to genuinely enjoy it, while others wriggled out of my arms almost immediately. Trouble (who was at that time called Tiger) melted into my arms just like Sabrina used to do. And he stayed there. Eventually I turned him over so that I was holding him on his back like a baby, and he fell asleep. I sat at the animal shelter for about half an hour and let him sleep while I held him, and it was at that time that I realized I needed him as much as he needed me.

Fast forward one year, the resemblances between Trouble and Sabrina are remarkable. They share some of the same crazy traits that no other cat I've ever had, will do. Case in point: plastic shopping bags. Used to be, whenever I'd bring in bag of groceries, Sabrina would stick her head and feet through the armholes of the bag and walk around the house like Superman in his cape. She'd do this for 15-20 minutes, until she tired of it, then she'd wiggle back out and I'd put the bag away. Recently, I was putting up groceries, and forgot one of my bags on the floor. A little later, I was watching TV in bed when I heard a crinkling sound coming up the stairs. I swear, it was Trouble wearing one of my shopping bags.

You want another weird example? I just recently got a hula hoop (unfortunately not one of the weighted dance/exercise hoops like I was wanting, but it does the trick.) It was laying in the middle of my bedroom floor the other day when I noticed Trouble snoozing inside it. Guess who else used to sleep in my hula hoop?

Everyone used to say that Sabrina looked like a lion. She didn't have a typical "cat nose" sort of turned up at the end. Her nose sort of pointed downward, more like a C-shape. Trouble has almost the exact same nose.

It's eerie how much he reminds me of her. Oh, and there's of course, the fact that from day one, he made torturing Oreo his mission in life. Sabrina also used to enjoy this. I just have to think this is all more than coincidence. I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason, and like I said, I'm pretty sure that there was a big reason Trouble and I found each other that day.

On August 19, it will be one year that I lost Sabrina. I still grieve for her almost every day and find myself tearing up when I see pictures of her. I think most of you were on my friends list last year when she died, but if you were not, or don't remember, she passed away under anasthesia while having her teeth cleaned. One of her teeth had actually fallen out, which is what precipitated our visit to the vet. Upon arriving, I was told that she had Stage 3 periodonatal disease that needed immediate attention. She needed to have the hole stitched up where the tooth had fallen out, and the others needed cleaning. Sabrina had asthma from the time she was a kitten. I was concerned about her going under anasthesia, since she was asthmatic, but I was assured every precaution would be taken. However, on the operating table, she stopped breathing, had a heart attack and was dead in the span of a few minutes. I got to the animal hospital three minutes after she died, and I'd also made the decision to leave her there overnight, rather than taking her home with me, then taking her back the next morning for the surgery/cleaning. I still have not totally forgiven myself for that decision...the fact that she spent her last night alive in a strange place, in a cage, with cats she did not know, rather than sleeping in my bed with me. I know that logically, I had no way of knowing she wouldn't be coming home the next day, but all honesty, I did have a really bad feeling. I just knew something was going to happen, so I still blame myself for not bringing her home that night.

OK, well, this has just been depressing. As if there wasn't enough depressing stuff going on already. But the good thing is, I do believe with every ounce of my being that Trouble was brought to me to fill the void that Sabrina had left, and he has done so in spades.

I covet this $450 cat tree: http://cj.shop.com/All_in_One_Kitty_Care_Center_3_Seater_for_Litterbox%2C_Feeding_Play-48134239-p%21.shtml?trk=3

My God, this thing has it all! They can play! They can eat! They can climb! They can poop! All in one convenient, fun location. That pull-out litterbox drawer is just about the best thing evar. (Although the "Perfect Poophaus" has it beat on the name.)

One of these days, when I win the lottery, my babies are getting this. They totally deserve it.



Also, I've been doing a lot of cooking inspired by Indian, Middle Eastern and Asian flavors and spices. My mom bought me a mortar and pestle recently, so I've been grinding my own spices and making some pretty interesting and tasty mixes. I've also really gotten into all sorts of rices and grains. Anyway, I was recently lamenting how you don't see cheese very much in Indian cooking (perhaps because it comes from cows? I dunno.) Paneer is the only one I'm familiar with, and it's more like cottage cheese than just cheese-cheese. So I was doing some reading on an Indian recipe site, and found an online store where you can buy spices, condiments and other things. I saw a tab for "cheese" and clicked it excitedly. Their offering? Kraft Pasteurized Processed Cheese. So basically Velveeta.

WTF?

I can't resist. Is this not the sweetest thing you've ever seen?





The cuteness factor is simply unbearable. Now if I could just get him to stop chasing Oreo every time she breathes.

By popular request (OK, like 3 or 4 people have asked), here are some updated kitty pictures. New Kitty On the Block isn't so new anymore. I've now had him for over four months, and he's approximately seven months old. When I brought him home from the shelter, he was a paltry three pounds. He now tips the scale at almost nine pounds and is still growing like a weed. He's very lean and muscular and has the most gigantic feet and ears I've ever seen. If he grows into them, he's going to be the size of a tiger.

I was trying to get a good picture of him and General together, for comparison. General has actually lost a bit of weight, down from 17 pounds, to about 15. I've had them on a higher protein diet, and that seems to be helping the pudge. Still, he's a big boy, and Trouble is rapidly gaining on him.



( Moar. )

Wow...it has just been Sick Cat Central around here. Remember when I said that New Kitten With No Name had a respiratory infection, and I was watching the others to see if they got sick? Well, I noticed a couple of days ago, that Misty was blowing snot bubbles out her nose, and yesterday she had some eye boogers. Yes, those are the medical terms. So I called the vet and they told me to get her in hastily. Issue is, Misty is the one cat who refuses to be caught. Getting her in her kitty carrier is akin to capturing an angry lion. Probably worse. So I told the vet tech "there's no way I'm gonna be able to medicate her if she needs it." The actual vet man called me back a little later and told me of a brand new injectable antibiotic that is a one-time deal. Done.

He also recommended that I bring in the others, just in case they might be developing something, too. I'd noticed Gen and Oreo sneezing a couple of times, but nothing too major. Misty was the one I was more worried about. So I loaded up the truck and we moved to Beverleee... Actually, I loaded up the Saturn with about 37 pounds of cat and we headed out to the vet, howling all the way.

General absolutely ripped everyone in the room (including me) to shreds when they tried to take his rectal temperature (oh, the indignity!) Oreo was really pretty good. Misty was angry. Furious, even. She had to have her exam in the chair in the corner of the room, because that was where she wound up and hell was going to freeze over before we could move her. But now they've all been treated for what ails 'em, and I went ahead and had their shots caught up and such while they were out. New Kitten With No Name is still a bit wheezy, but he's really doing better. Quite a frisky little bugger, he is, now that he isn't sick anymore! He's been bouncing off the walls every night.

All three of my elder kitties had some dental issues, which is not surprising since they've never had a dental cleaning (yes, I know. There's no excuse.) The doc told me that they'd probably gotten the oral infections from Sabrina, and then gotten the respiratory infection from new kitty. But the antibiotics should clear up most of it, although he did recommend getting a couple of General's teeth pulled at some point. After having just gone through what I did with Sabrina and her teeth, to say that I'm skittish would be the understatement of the century. He said that General's gums are inflamed and most likely causing him a good bit of discomfort now, but if he gets to the point that he's having trouble eating, then I definitely need to have the teeth yanked. They're in the back, so hopefully it wouldn't cause him a lot of issues, but the thought of having him sedated just scares the living crap out of me. *IF* I do it, I will want to actually stay there with him while he's in surgery. The vet asked me if General drooled, and I said that he did. But he only does it when he's laying on my tummy, purring. So I was informed that he only does that out of contentment, because he loves me. I've never noticed any other drooling, so hopefully that's a good sign.

I think overall, the vet was impressed with their good health and vitality, and he couldn't believe it when I told him how old they are. (Misty just turned 11, Oreo will be 11 next month, and General will be 12 in January.) So I guess I've been a pretty good cat mommy. Or maybe I've just got really hardy cats.

At any rate, I'm glad that's over. Now I just hope everyone is feeling better soon. It's been like a hospital around here!

On a somewhat unrelated, but freakin' hilarious note, new kitty actually SAT DOWN in a candle last night. As in, he plunked his entire butt down in a big jar candle. (Yes, it was lit.) I tried yelling across the room for him to get out, but he evidently does not speak English and just sat there staring at me, until his bottom began to sizzle and smoke. The house smelled like a dentist's drill for about twenty minutes and I'd say he's missing some of his tail feathers. I'm beginning to believe that I didn't adopt the sharpest crayon in the box. On second thought, if he keeps doing that, I won't have to take him to get him neutered. He can just singe off his testicles.

Now, just for funsies, ( have a few pics of the new little guy playing with his big brother. )

Hi everyone..

Just wanted to say thank you for your comments and kind words yesterday. I also had several sweet texts, e-mails and voice mails when I got home, and I was really touched by everyone's concern.

I'll get to comments from yesterday later on. I have over 80 to address, so it'll take a while! But when I got in from her burial and saw all those comments, I was a little overwhelmed (in a good way) at everyone's response.

She has been buried up at our cabin, next to my Dazzle kitty. Dexter is also buried there. It's becoming a regular pet cemetery.

I was glad that I decided to go ahead and bury her body, rather than having her cremated. When Dexter died, I opted for cremation, in part because he was so big, and also because I was so distraught, I was incapable of coherent thought and figured that was the best thing to do. I had to wait a week on his ashes, and then when they called to tell me that they were ready, I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the ER when I went to pick them up. I actually had to have my friend Cheryl get them for me, because I could not bring myself to get in the door. So it was like reliving everything at a later date...almost like losing him twice. But with Sabrina, I was actually able to hold her body in the car while we were driving up there (again..it was wrapped), then I buried her myself. OK, in fairness, dad dug the grave. But I laid her in it and helped to cover her. I think that was therapeutic in a way, even though I did sob like a baby when I was putting her down.

I'm a big believer in, rather than putting fresh or dried flowers on a grave, planting a perennial on it instead. My grandparents have lilies and roses and all kinds of other flowers around their gravesite that come back year after year. On Dexter's grave, I planted a magnolia tree (which had a gorgeous bloom on it yesterday.) So I was trying to come up with something appropriate for Sabrina's. I remembered that she used to love to eat my purple shamrock (oxalis, I think it's called.) My aunt has a ton of it growing around her house, and even though it goes dormant in the winter (as a houseplant or an outdoor bedding plant), it comes back every spring. So, now Sabrina can have all the shamrock salad she wants, because her grave is sporting a vast array of purple shamrock.

Today I just feel sort of lost. I think it's finally starting to sink in that she's really gone and not coming back. Yesterday, I was numb, but I had no choice except to be busy. Today, I just feel...sad and a little angry. It just seems so senseless that she's gone, but my logical mind keeps thinking that there must have been a reason. I know that periodontal disease can cause heart problems in both humans and animals. Plus, factoring in her asthma, I knew there was a risk with her breathing under sedation. But still...she was a relatively young, pampered housecat. I truly expected her to last another healthy 5 years or more. I just don't understand.

I think General has finally started getting back to normal. He's sleeping and eating at least. Oreo keeps laying on the spot on the carpet where I'd put her body for them to sniff. Misty won't come out of the guest room, and hisses at me every time I look at her. It's going to take a while. I have decided that I'm going to get a young cat in the near future. Not to replace Sabrina, but just to try and bring a sense of balance back to the house. I don't think I want (or need) a baby baby kitten, but I don't think it would be wise to bring a full-grown adult cat into a house full of senior kitties. So I'm thinking one between 6 months-1 year might be the way to go. I'm debating another male. I'm not sure if General would have it. Any words of wisdom on this? I think what I'll probably do is just go to the shelter and let one pick me. No preconceived notions about what I want or think I need..I'll just let a sweet, friendly, affectionate kitty adopt me. But that's for a later time.

Today, I need to just keep my mind occupied..

The other day, General threw up in their food bowl. I wasn't sure whether to praise him for being efficient and helping me with cleanup, or fuss at him, because I had to dump the entire thing out. He used to upchuck his dinner all the time, but thankfully that has been cut down considerably. I've been feeding them Iams Digestive Health cat food for a while, and it's seemingly helped a good bit. Still, I'd kinda prefer it if maybe he threw up his food, oh...never? The girls don't. Well, hardly ever. I don't even remember the last time one of them yorked up their dinner. But General gobbles his food as if every meal is his last on this earth. I don't know why he feels the need to do this. I keep food out for them in two different bowls at all times. So it's not like he has one feeding time, and has to hoarde his food to keep the girls from getting it all. It's there constantly. They can nibble and snack whenever they want. But apparently he is just a piggy and can't seem to get this through his head. You know how men are.

I've taken him to the vet and they can't find any medical reason why he throws up so much. And I've gotta say, the frequency HAS decreased from almost every day to maybe once a week or so. Still, like I said, I'd kinda prefer that it decreased even more.

Do any of you have issues with food gobblers? And do they throw up after doing this? (I'm talking more of the feline variety, not human, because I know some of you have family members who inhale their dinner, too.) If so, what have you done for it? I'd be willing to try a different food, or any sort of natural remedy, what have you. I just want to save my flooring from the Vomit Of Doom. Plus, I can't tell you how appetizing it is to be sitting at the table eating MY dinner and hear that familiar "urk...urk...urk...bluuurrrrrp" in the background. Yum.



I've gotta say though, at least he is hitting the litterbox now, so maybe some progress has been made. I don't know that I ever want another male animal. Boys are just trouble.

I just poured General out some treats, and noticed that they're shaped like little fish. Now of course, General is VERY observant and also noticed that they were shaped like fish. He appreciates the effort that I put into choosing treats that are appealing to his sensibilities (the reason I use "he" in this post, is that the girls couldn't care less about treats, so they rarely partake.)

These treats are also multi-colored. One side is brown, the other side is yellow, which is very important. Cats also like their food to be color-coordinated.
I have to wonder, exactly who are the cat fud makers targeting when they do stuff like this? Certainly not the cats. I'm actually pretty confident that I could throw down a gray lump of slime, and if it tasted appealing, they'd eat it.

I heard a stand-up comedian talking about cat fud flavors one time. He was laughing about how we have chicken and turkey and tuna flavored cat fuds. Of course, those are all made to appeal to the owners, not the cats. He observed that if the cats had a say in it, cat fud would be mouse flavored. And it's probably true. But would anyone buy it? And I guess in order to MAKE mouse flavored cat fud, someone would have to know what mice taste like. Well, there probably are people who know what mice taste like. And those people are insane. But most everyone knows what tuna or salmon or beef tastes like, so if we have human taste-testers at pet food places, they can say "yeah, this tastes like chicken." Which makes me wonder, DO they have human taste-testers working for pet food makers? When Purina says "now more flavor than ever!", do they really KNOW that it has more flavor than ever? Why were we denied more flavor in the past? And who decides this? It's not like Fluffy can say "wow, I'm really enjoying this bag much more than the last. I mean, the other was OK, but now this? THIS has so much more flavor. I'm picking up a hint of bacon, with some undertones of mahi mahi. And I have noticed that the morsels are decidedly more crispy. Excellent choice this week!" oooooooooooooop;olllllllllllllllllllll

OK. Sabrina put that last part in there. I'm not kidding. She actually spelled "poll." I think she was trying to say "lol", but she got a little excited. She's telling all of you in Kentucky to get out and vote today. Or perhaps she wants me to post a poll about whether or not people would buy mouse flavored cat fud. And she also thought this entry was funny/entertaining/observant, and said "ooooo, lol!"

I think perhaps I'm lacking some brain cells at the moment. Someone please help me.